Halloween is upon us, and, sandwiched between two weekends, there’s more of a need for costumes than ever. With more possible “halloween” nights you need more possible costumes to go out and chase shots with candy-corn in. But before you select your costume, make sure it follows these simple rules.

 

1. Is it a Real Costume?

Nobody likes a smart-ass. Nobody. If you’re going as “drunk-you”, congratulations, you just made a lazy joke to cover up how lazy you actually are. Similarly, any of the “excuse” costumes you could think of- throwing on a hat and making your costume really be something esotetic- is a bad idea. No one is going to ask what you are or care, if it isn’t visible. The point of the costumes of halloween is to create an aura of possibility and mystery amidst the partying and fun. To leave yourself out of it is one thing. But to crash it with an excuse instead of a costume is a jerk-move.

Plus, no girl will compliment you on your stupid “shirt and jeans” costume. So there’s that.

 

2. Is it Racist?

Hate to have to include this, but maybe I do. If your costume depends on a racial or ethnic element of a group you don’t represent, don’t do it. Halloween costumes should be simple and not “is this going to ruin someone’s night?” type things.

You can be a vampire, though. That Transylvanian kid won’t mind.

 

3. Is it Comfortable?

Keep in mind that your costume is going to have a series of weather changes it’s going to have to handle. In the Northeast, you’ll be walking to your parties in the cold, and then, it will be sweltering inside the party (unless it’s a bad party, or an awesome party that defies weather. Also, keep in mind that you’ll be having to dance, pour drinks, and jostle beyond everyone else you run in to. Can you do it in a Bumble-bee costume, complete with stinger? I’m sure you can. But it’ll be a lot easier if you don’t have to worry about extra appendages or weight.

Also, in regards to heat and cold, it’s easier to remove a light layer from a costume than it is to add one.  So, consider bringing a “trash sweatshirt” if you have one, or a similar expendable layer you can use only in case of cold.

 

4. Do You Look Good?

Let’s cut to the basics. You want to look good for pictures and for the other people. Don’t go as a rotting zombie.

 

5. Some Possible Options

I’m not going to send you into the great beyond without any help- if you got to this article from Google, this is probably the part you’re looking for anyway. Some basic, last-minute costumes that don’t make you look like a jerk who didn’t plan:

-A Toga (with sandals)

-A Self-Made super-hero (spandex, colors, a sheet as a cape, a fanny-pack utility belt you use to bring booze)

-Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad. (Army jacket, army pants, beanie, black t-shirt, being high)

-A Freshman (Your school attire, lanyard around your neck, high-school graduation T-shirt, name-tag saying “freshman”)

-A Cyborg (Tin-foil)

-An Actual Ghost (Die, haunt the party)

All of these are basic costumes that don’t rely on an excuse, can be made with stuff you or a friend has, and can handle any sort of weather/space issue. Go for any of ‘em happily and have a good time. At least you aren’t the guy going as “Facebook.”