This Sunday, as we recover from the weekend, I thought I’d reminisce with you. As a Senior, I’ve learned an awful lot of things the hard way, and I thought I’d share it with you. Following advice can be tougher than learning it, but I thought I’d give you some of the more painful lessons my friends and I have been through in college.

  • If you think a class is too easy to fail, and you don’t even have to pay attention, dude, you’re about to get a C- on the Midterm.
  • Ladies know how to text, dude. Don’t double-text.
  • Any class you can use a laptop in the back row for is a keeper. It’s an automatic study-hall, worst case scenario.
  • Where you sit the first day of class is your seat for the semester. Choose carefully. And when in doubt, choose the back.
  • If it’s really going to drive you crazy, though, double-text. Better to feel like a total loser for a few hours than obsess for a week.
  • Ladies: that guy isn’t actually a D.J.: he’s a guy who has a Spotify playlist. Don’t be fooled.
  • You’re not going to do anything cool with all those empty beer cans and bottles. They make your house smell weird.
  • If a girl asks you to get a Snapchat, get a Snapchat.
  • If you’re worried your theme party or costume might be racist, it’s racist.
  • Keep all sexting verbal. No matter what, no one’s going to upload a steamy text. A steamy picture is different.
  • Don’t be mean about your ex-girlfriend. All that shows is that you aren’t over her and that you’re also kind of mean.
  • A sexytime playlist should consist of Frank Ocean and nothing else. Don’t over-think this.
  • If you smoke too much, take your weed off your desk. Out of sight, out of mind.
  • Never try hard drugs. The best case scenario is you won’t like it. The worst case scenario is you’ll really like it.
  • Don’t boast on Facebook. Everyone roots against a braggart.
  • Read a book. Books are cool. Read one.
  • If you promise something, do it no matter what. Similarly: never promise anything. Following through sucks.
  • With tattoos, less is more. You can add before you can subtract.
  • Get one really good pair of jeans right now and all your other clothes are going to look much better.
  • It might be cool to come late to parties, but come early to the best, biggest parties. Much cooler than waiting in line.
  • Don’t be afraid to stay in on a Friday. Don’t be afraid to rage on a Tuesday.
  • If you’re anything other than a Senior, play it slower with girls. College is longer than you think, and burned bridges linger.
  • Always ask someone for notes in class before a midterm. People like to share and work together and that’s how you ace classes.
  • Take a fun class for people you would like to be around. Intro to Acting, for example, is fun and you meet fun people.
  • If you play ultimate frisbee, cool, but please, chill out about it.
  • Do as much as you can. Sleep is for Winter Break.