dorm king
College isn’t about the classes and grades nearly as much as it is the networking opportunities. Jobs come and go, but the best ones will happen because you knew a guy or girl with a hookup.

Priority #1 for you is building relationships with as many people as you can and as quickly as possible. And the first place you can do that is in the dorms. Let them know you’re the man and your upward mobility is virtually guaranteed. (These things still work even if you won’t do dorms so don’t sleep on an opportunity.)

1. Cigarettes

You don’t smoke? Who cares? Lots of people still do. And having a pack laying around for lending purposes may put you in with any number of corporate ladder lung destroyers.

2. Lighter

How are you supposed to light cigarettes without a lighter? Exactly. Have one handy. Sometimes the smoker, especially in cold areas, may not be immediately motivated to grab their own smokes on a relaxed Sunday afternoon. Have the lighter handy and, every now and then, even hang with the smoker in one of the exiled lands they banish smokers too. It could be the difference between getting the job or getting the signing bonus.

3. Wine Bottle Opener

We here at HackCollege.com do not support underage drinking. But your Resident Assistant or Resident Director is, most likely, well over the legal drinking age. And every now and then they may be trying to impress company by stepping up from the boxed wine…but without an opener. Enter, you. You know what special privileges await someone that’s friends with the RA/RD? Yeah, you want to.

4. Snacks

Snacks are the fifth food group to every college student’s diet. Don’t go without, but make sure you have enough so the computer science major won’t go wanting either. You want to keep your computer working, right? Give ‘em something to nibble on while they get all those porn popups off your comp. Be sure to hook up the business folks too…or anyone else with a useful major. No shame in paving your path to glory in Snickers bars.

5. Napkins

You will spill. Neighbors will spill. Everyone will spill. Keep napkins on hand at all times just in case, it could save your Xbox 360 from an RRoD. Don’t bother with the store bought stuff though. Just get a burger at the fast food joint and pillage their napkin supply…respectfully, of course.

6. Surge Protectors

Your local supermegamart probably has surge protectors for between $5 and $12. If they’re so chea, why does no one seem to have one when they need one? Exactly. Tv. Computer parts. Video games. Charger(s). They will all need to be plugged in somewhere at some time, somehow. Buy whatever number of surge protectors you need, then buy four more. Having one for them at the ready is a benefit no one will see coming…but everyone who benefits will remember.

7. Condoms

Don’t go broke, but keep a spare box around. You can probably even sell ‘em and get away with it. But have them. And make sure people know you have them. Even blackout drunk, everyone will appreciate the ultimate rescue.