Today we’re publishing a very special guest post, submitted by my very own mother. She curiously submitted this a mere 24 hours after I returned to school after Thanksgiving. I swear I’m a good son. Enjoy the post and enjoy your holiday break!

When you come home for Christmas please:

  • Leave the cell phone in another room when coming to the dinner table, especially when it is Christmas dinner. We of the previous generation find it rude to have our dinners interrupted by the vibrating and singing cell phones. Besides if your girlfriend cannot wait 30 minutes to talk to you, Grandma will deem her needy and unfit for you.
  • Remember that chances are Mom and Dad paid for your airline/bus/train ticket or car that brings you home. So try to spend as much time with us and the grandparents as you do with your laptop. The PhD or senior thesis should not even be looked at on Christmas day and the laptop can happily charge in another room for just that day.
  • Remember that joining us in dinner conversation does not mean monopolizing Uncle Hal. We all know he already tends to resonate at one frequency, but Aunt Elaine does not speak binary and resents having to talk over it. Try to memorize a couple of funny stories (in English) about school to amuse us at the table and we will be satisfied.
  • When visiting the grandparents, don’t complain about the dial-up modem connection with an ancient computer hardly past the Apple IIE. To Grandpa he has joined the computer age and is proud of his accomplishments. If you ask him he can give you a copy of his 10 (or is it 15) year old, 2 page single spaced bug report he sent to the makers of the tax software. He did not trust the software and did his taxes by hand after doing them on the computer and that software was soooooooo buggy.
  • Don’t expect Grandma to know what the wire-less modem charger thingy looks like when you call to ask to have it shipped back to you because you left it plugged in in the back bedroom. Just make sure to take all your stuff, dirty socks included, with you when you leave.

If you follow all these little rules your mother will have the Best Christmas Ever. Have a Merry One.

by Kelly Sutton’s Mom, mother of nerds, raised by nerds and married to a nerd


Image: Glenn E. Malone