The Stages of Procrastination
As inspired by the image circulating on Pinterest right now, we’re going to delve a little deeper into the five humorous stages of procrastination, which most college students have experienced over and over and over…
1. False Security: You look at your syllabus, and you see a 10-page paper due in six weeks. Six weeks? Who cares if you go out with your friends every night for the next few days? You’ve got plenty of time. Why did the professor even bother telling you about it so early?
2. Laziness: You have a load of extra time one week and you come across the assignment again. For a brief, fleeting moment, you think about getting started on it, just because you have time. Alas, laziness prevails, as usual, and you watch 2 seasons of Arrested Development on Hulu instead.
3. Excuses: You’ve been busy! You deserve a break from your work. I mean, you had a crazy weekend, and today you have three classes and an exam. You really deserve to take at least two or three days off from thinking about any schoolwork whatsoever.
4. Denial: Hah, a 10-page paper? That old thing? No big deal, I work best under pressure, but anyway, I’ve got loads of time. My classes end at 3pm tonight, and it’s not due until 9am tomorrow. That’s a total of 18 hours. What assignment in the history of college has ever taken 18 hours? Psh, I don’t need sleep, that’s what coffee is for.
5. Crisis (At approximately 7:45 am): OH MY GOSH HOW DID I LET THIS HAPPEN. I HATE MYSELF, I HATE THIS CLASS, AND MOSTLY, I HATE MY TEACHER. NEVER AGAIN.
The 6th stage is simple: REPEAT!
This process can also take place over a very short period of time. Say you get something assigned on Monday, due on Wednesday. Procrastination still prevails.
False Security: HAH, she gave us a whole extra day, like we need it! Clearly I don’t need to work on this until tomorrow.
Laziness: (Tuesday afternoon) Well, I’m not going to start it just yet, I’m going to lay in my bed playing around on Facebook for 4 hours.
Excuses: (Tuesday Evening) Well, I guess I’ll get started soon. I’ll just take a quick nap to recharge my brain cells.
Denial: (Tuesday Night at the Dining Hall) Yeah, I mean, I slept for like 6 hours on accident today, but it’s okay I’ve got loads of time to finish my assignment for tomorrow. Sure, I’ll sit with you guys for 3 hours and make exquisitely gourmet meals from our cafeteria’s supply of Fruit Loops and Frozen Yogurt. It will probably jumpstart my creative juices anyway.
Crisis: (Approximately 1am Wednesday Morning) AHHHHH. Well, that’s it. I’m not sleeping, I’m skipping my morning class, and swear I will NEVER, EVER, EVER do this again.