I am not a doctor. But neither is Web MD and you seem pretty comfortable following their advice. First, stop doing that: Web MD is going to leave you terrified. You click three different links and you find out not only do you have face-cancer but, somehow, you’ve been dead all along. Leave Web MD behind and follow this simple article for your college health tips.

1. Don’t Be Stupid

I know you want to go out drinking tonight. But you wouldn’t go party the night before a big exam, right? The same should hold true when your health is on the line. That can be a tough thing to follow through on when everyone around you is partying but it’s important. Do not stay up late and go out if you’re feeling a little sick. You’re going to get sicker, and, more importantly, you’re not going to have that much fun. Concede to your body and stay in and watch Netflix. Go out and party tomorrow.

Similarly, medical marijuana doesn’t extend to your persistant cough, Jeff. C’mon. Take three days off.

2. Don’t Panic

It’s easy to get alarmed over your health. I do it all the time. But you shouldn’t. The human body is really good at healing itself, and, chances are, whatever you have isn’t fatal or permanent. That weird rash you have could be anything, but unless you were dating five strippers at the same time, it’s probably just a weird rash. Get a rash cream. And, whatever you do, don’t let your imagination run away with you. Fear is the mind-killer, and if your nerves over your mysterious aliment is your biggest concern, congratulations! That means whatever you have isn’t that big of a deal. If you aren’t even healthy enough to panic, that’s the time to worry.

3. Don’t Ignore Stuff

Similar to don’t panic, don’t allow lingering symptoms to build up. After a few days, if something seems legit, go to health services. That’s it. It’s a drag, but better be over-careful then lazy with your health. Procrastination is an instinct in college students, but save it for your History paper. Your health is something you should actually care about.

4. See a Professional

The internet in a pinch can be a good substitute for a lot of things, but a doctor isn’t one. Go and see someone who knows what they’re talking about and has the ability to give you the needed medication, if any, to get you better. You can’t Google the flu away, dude. Chicken soup is good, sure, but you know what else is good? Actual medicine. Go get some of that and get healthy, yo.

5. Be Grateful

When you’re healthy, take a minute to celebrate it before you get back into your grind. There’s always a moment of celebration and relief when you’re on the mend, but we often insert new problems to worry about immediately after. Well, forget those problems. You’re healthy now! Eat a hamburger. Mmmmm. Hamburgers. Savor every non-sick bite. And, when you’re finally healthy? You should go back and do all that partying you didn’t do when you were feeling under the weather. It’s your reward for being responsible, so who cares if it’s on a Wednesday? Tell them you’re a flu survivor. They’ll probably scoff but hey: you earned this.